This is one of my very first blog posts from blogger. It is what got people interested in my writing and opinions. Thought I’d repost and let new readers get the chance to check it out. Enjoy.
This is a post I feel had to be made. It is all too common for girls to complain about guys. They expect a lot as they should. But the problem is many girls never follow through with what they’re looking for and end up complaining. This post will be about what guys actually look for in girls and what girls should start and stop doing.
The biggest problem: The jerk crush. To all girls: it’s your fault. Plain and simple. Way too many girls complain about how terrible their boyfriends are and how bad they treat them and yet they are still with them…What are you doing? You literally made this become a go-to personality for guys. They get to treat you like shit, do what they want and STILL have you by their side. If we have this option how many guys do you think would actually make an effort to make you happy and treat you the way you should be? If the end result is still having you then……the much easier route is the first.
Second problem is denial. Too many girls I talk to about this kind of stuff always think that the guy they are with are incapable of doing wrong. Although there are guys like that out there, don’t make proclamations and be so sure too quickly. Girls like to think they are smarter than guys when it comes to this kind of stuff but clearly you guys are missing a lot. Guys know what they are doing, you’d be surprised how easy it is to convince a girl into thinking or feeling something. The only way to fix this is to admit that you do not know everything. Allow yourself to believe you can be outsmarted. Then maybe you’ll see things for what they are with a clearer mind.
The third thing relates to the jerk effect. There are girls who acknowledge that they do not want a jerk type bf but never act on it. They say what they are looking for. A guy that is trustworthy, loyal, respectful, someone that actually wants to see them more than once a week, someone that doesn’t think phone calls are annoying, etc. Sound like things you kinda want? Then STOP disregarding the people who have those qualities. Too many girls look over guys that would be perfect for them. Girls look in all the wrong places. Here is some rocket science for you, someone you meet at a club or when you’re partying probably isn’t talking to you based on your personality and the desire to just sit down and get to know you. Those scenes are just to get you in bed, point blank. There may be a few exceptions, but if that’s not what you’re looking for then honestly why bother with the risk?
I’ve always been a firm believer that any good relationship has the best chances when it starts from friendship. Girls don’t tend to think so. (That’s why you’ve all had bad relationships, just saying :p) Anyway, the friend zone is a place where girls tend to stow away the potential good bfs they’ve been wishing for. STOP doing that. Stop and think for a second.
. If you are really close friends with a guy, why does it mean they cant be your boyfriend? “Oh, but I don’t want it to ruin our friendship if it doesn’t work out.” Ok, seriously? Don’t deny this either, almost EVERY girl has said this once in their lives. I have never understood this cliche‘ or where it came from because it is very,very,VERY stupid. First of all, you have the wrong state of mind from the get go. You shouldn’t be thinking about the END of a relationship BEFORE it has even STARTED. You’re just setting the relationship up to fail and lowering your expectations of what it could grow to be.
Here is another thing that is wrong with the above cliche. So girls that label guys into the non-date-able friend zone, my question to you is who would be better? If they have become a close enough friend for the guy to start having feelings for you, there must have been a reason. It means that initially he just wanted to be your friend. That is AMAZING compared to a situation in like a club or party where the only reason the guy came up to you is to be your bed buddy. So in the friend zone, you already have started off on good grounds.
Now, as stated before, if he got to the point where he started developing feelings for you it means he genuinely likes your personality or being around you. Because clearly when you guys were just friends you only do“friend” things. You guys probably hang out, talk, do normal things that don’t require either of you to be drunk or pressured. This is another plus because LOOK, someone likes being around you when you or him are not under influences of alcohol and drugs! amazing right?
Now, here is another thing to think about. If this person is a really close friend of yours now and likes you, you already must have fun together and get along really well. Imagine now that you can have your best friend as your bf/gf. The title of gf/bf doesn’t change the world. Your relationship intimately will obviously change, but in terms of everything else like enjoying each others company, the laughs, the fun, the everything will be the same. Why would it change and who told you it did? How did it get into your mind that all of that good stuff while you were friends would magically disappear? WAKE UP, it doesn’t go anywhere.
Now lastly, say it does come to the point where you are sooooo worried that you can’t even consider the guy because you don’t want to “lose” what you had before. Even though I think this a stupid thought, I’ll say this. If the other person was a true friend, they will always be your friend. A relationship that didn’t work out wouldn’t be the end of the world. Think about it, if he liked you, and you never gave him a chance, that is kind of messing things up too isn’t it?
I’m sure the guy would feel bad that he has to hide his emotions and the way he really feels about you, so in turn your friendship would change regardless. Giving someone a chance and exploring a new place is always better than never opening that door. Life is much better lived without having to answer the question “what if”. That is never something easy to deal with. But lets say, you tried it out and things did become awkward. There are two reasons it would be awkward. One, if it didn’t work out and either you or him decide to make the friendship awkward for whatever reason like to get back at the other, than one or both of you simply wasn’t a true/good friend to begin with so it is better off done than continued. Second, the relationship ended badly like through cheating, if this happened than obviously the person shouldn’t be your friend because qualities like that are contagious and you simply shouldn’t associate with people like that because friends are your biggest influencers. If you’re looking for a serious relationship and a significant other that is good for you, don’t place yourself around others who have never experienced that or represent that themselves.
Now here is just a couple of things guys look for in girls. Too many girls like playing these elementary school games. Guys shouldn’t have to always tell the girl if they are feeling them. Why is it so hard for a girl to be straight up with a guy and tell them too? Half the reason you miss out on the good guys is because some of them may be shy or intimidated. So instead of wishing and waiting, step up and find them yourself. The guys who come up to you are usually the ones who have a game-plan and game-plans usually don’t favor you girls that well. Sure some may be brave, but seriously, the way its gotten, most good guys just assume girls will continue going for the same type of jerk guys so they wouldn’t bother with you unless you show them you’re different from the rest. Good guys won’t just wait around for you, trust me when I say this. You are not the one in power when it comes to that stuff. Don’t expectthem to just be waiting till you’re ready for them. And there clearly isn’t many good guys out there that will treat you the way you want to be treated so becareful with those you do find. What I also mean with this is that, just because you find a guy who treats you like gold, does not mean you’re done. You can’t go ahead and do whatever you want now. There is this problem with some girls who find a good guy and then feel like they have so much freedom because the guy trusts them and then abuses them. Girl players arejust as bad as guy ones, don’t be a hypocrite because in the long run, you’ll just end up alone or with one of those guys you hate. When you find a good guy, respect some of the things they expect from you. You may be used to a life where you party and club all the time, but if you want a serious relationship, you can’t live the same lifestyle. Commitment takes sacrifice. You CAN’T have it all, you can’t expect so much from a guy and not expect togive up a little as well. Sacrificing things like partying should be worth knowing the guy you’re with loves you and won’t cheat on you isn’t it?
Expect only what you can offer as well.