psych0omantis

Insanity Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

Going from an Alpha to a Beta Isn’t Easy.

Sometime things in life don’t always go your way. Ever stop and wonder why? I’ve kind of been in a gray area lately. Sometimes I feel really good and things couldn’t be better. Other times, I wake up in a rut and can’t seem to find out why. I feel like there are times I am just not the same person I used to be.
I attribute a lot of this feeling towards confidence, having it, or the lack of it. It isn’t as consistent within me as it used to be. I feel like at times I am forcing myself to be confident and it shouldn’t be something you have to flick on and off like a lightswitch. It should be innate, forever burning.
It’s been affecting me in so many areas, most noticeably when it comes to basketball and talking with people. Not to talk myself up but in years past I used to be fearless, happy, and would never back down. Characteristics of an Alpha personality. Lately, I’ve been showing traits of a Beta, simply being overly passive, shy, and paranoid.
Sure, some people are just meant to be timid and more reserved but my problem is that this is not who I am. It’s one thing to have that personality be part of you since you were born, but something entirely different if it is something that has just been showing its signs.
I can already think of a few reasons, huge reasons that has led to this change, but it has me wondering , when these life circumstances fix themselves, will it be the same? Can I be the same person I was before those incidents? It is extremely difficult going from being the best at so many things, having that killer instinct and being that go getter, to becoming someone who lets things slide by, gets looked past and not taken serious.
I feel like I’m in a strange place because usually when things like this happen, people do not know the cause or solution. I feel as though I know the reasons and KNOW how to fix it but still feel uncertain. Confidence is the key to the door , its just a matter of pushing the door open and leaving it there. Only time will tell but hopefully things work out. Life as an Alpha is way better than being a Beta. Especially if that is all you knew.
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This entry was posted on July 11, 2012 by in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , .
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